


Dear Diary

by BTK



Category: K-pop, SISTAR
Genre: Anger, Broken Friendship, Confusion, Diary/Journal, F/M, Friendship/Love, Gay, Gay Male Character, Jealousy, M/M, Marriage, Please don't, Regret, Unrequited Love, k.will
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 11:56:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14188449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BTK/pseuds/BTK
Summary: "I felt like a part of me left with him. I knew I would never see him again,  and I hated it. I wanted him to always be my knight in shining armor, and I wanted to continue our silly games. However, it wss impossible. I wanted to go back in time, I wanted to change so many things.I hope that God will help him in his search for happiness, and that his path will be clear from now on because he stayed too much in the dark."This is the Please Don't plot told by Dasom in her diary, talking about the events that happened in the MV. However, I continued the story and added the end I saw fit for them. So, if you are curious, please read it all.





	Dear Diary

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! So this is my first time writing and posting a story, and I hope it came out alright. This work is based on K.Will's song called :Please don't...". If you didn't hear it until now, I advice you to do so because it's amazing.  
> I hope you will enjoy Dasom's deary!

12 June 2012  
Along the years I had so many friends who were talking about how relaxing it is to write in a diary, and how they could store their memories between the pages. I’ll be honest; I was a little envious because, at some point, I, too, tried to have one of my own. However, it ended up in a failure. There were not many things to talk about because my life was pretty much average. I didn’t see the point of continuing it, so I gave up shortly.  
However, now I can try doing it again. How exciting!  
Listen Diary, I feel so alive right now. I feel like I am living a dream, and I hope that it will remain like this forever. The happiness knocked on my door, and I didn’t hesitate welcoming it in. This feeling is fulfilling my heart every day, every day I see him because it came in a pretty handsome shape.  
Hmm? Do you still not know what I am talking about? It’s my Jaehyun, of course. We have been dating for a while now, but it still feels like we are two puppies deeply in love, our honeymoon phase never ending. Actually, we will celebrate our 4 years anniversary in two days. And that reminds me that I still did not find the perfect gift for him. Such a bad girlfriend I am. 

13 June 2012  
I found my knight in shining armor! He was lying lazily on the couch, watching TV. I should be considered myself lucky because many people search for him, and all I had to do was to climb down the stairs.  
Do you remember how I said that I was still searching for a good present? Today I still had no idea what I should get him, but everything went smoothly. My knight helped me, isn’t he sweet? And he was the one suggesting it, not me.  
He is my and Jaehyun’s best friend. So how could it not pop in my mind? Who would know better know what Jaehyun likes if not his friend Inguk? He really saved me, as always. I remember how many times he helped me in the past, and nothing changed, even though I may be a troublemaker sometimes.  
Now I have no worries, and I can’t wait for tomorrow!  
14 June 2012  
I feel like screaming! No, not in horror but I can’t hold in all the emotions that are swirling in my chest, making it feel like it will explode. My heart is also not helping me as it is beating like I ran a marathon. Should I do it? Maybe I’ll let it out, just a little. Hold on, I will do it now, anyway.  
Ok, it was awkward. I ended up screaming. I thought I did it silently, but it seems like it was the opposite because a confused Inguk came into my room, asking me if everything was alright. And I swear I heard Jaehyun laughing in the hallway. Bastard, he knows exactly why I am like this.  
So let me explain. Today is our anniversary, and he proposed to me! I still can’t believe it. I feel like I am floating on the ninth cloud. He planned everything, like a sly fox he is. We had dinner at a new restaurant that opened recently and there it happened. My tears were sliding down my cheeks, and I am more than sure that I looked like an ugly duckling when it turned into sobs. I was just so happy, so hard to control myself. I regret nothing, though. You have no idea how happy I am. 

16 June 2012  
Every day I realize more and more how perfect this man is. Every hug, kiss and touch makes me feel shivers go down my spine. I can’t ever have enough of him. I am so happy at the thought that he wants to age by my side. I can imagine us like a cuddly old couple, and the idea makes me smile every time.  
That reminds me that we still didn’t tell Inguk anything. We want it to be a surprise. I wonder what he will say, and how he will act. I am more than sure that he will say something along the lines “How can you marry a monkey?”. He has been teasing me since high school.  
A bully, that’s what he is! 

20 June 2012  
We have finally told him but it was not really the reaction I have expected from him.  
We had dinner together, and it just felt like the perfect moment to tell him everything. So, as we sat in the living room, I and Jaehyun told him that we have something to tell him. He seemed curious as he took a seat and looked at us patiently.  
Jaehyun was smiling while looking at me, his eyes encouraging me to make the big announcement. Words were stuck in my throat and they could never express just how wonderful I felt, instead I showed him my beautiful white ring that was resting on my finger, like there was no better place where it could be, fitting perfectly. However, I could see Inguk’s face pale at the news, disbelief floating into his dark eyes. So I added “We are getting married!”, filling the silence that was killing all of us. I did not understand why he was so confused, but what he said next startled me. He sustained that it was not the perfect moment to get married and that he will never support us. After that he just stormed out the door. I looked at my fiancée, and he looked back at me, both of us being incapable of understanding what has just happened.  
Did he feel betrayed? We are all best friends, so he may feel like we are abounding him, leaving him behind while we will build our own family. At least that’s what Jaehyun said while hugging me under the covers, his warm hands caressing my back. He seemed calm, trying to find some kind of an excuse for Inguk’s behavior, but I knew it was just a mask. He was as much affected by his burst as I was.  
Why would he feel like that? We were never going to move on without him. We were always together, and we will always be. I’ll try talking to him tomorrow. 

21 June 2012  
I feel at peace now. There was just a misunderstanding.  
Today Inguk came to talk to me, apologizing for what he said last night. He said that he didn’t feel well, and that’s why he was sensitive, and at the end he told me that he will support us. However, the smile he offered me felt so superficial and cold. Maybe it was just my imagination? Of course, probably he still felt unwell.  
Later that night my husband took me to a movie date. We had a good time, fooling around with the popcorn, and almost getting us kicked out. This is what I love about him; he knows how to have fun just like me.

8 July 2012  
For the past weeks I missed Inguk’s presence. He was in the house with us, but it felt like he was just a ghost passing by me. He did not talk a lot, and if he did, there were only short sentences. And I could tell that he was deep in thoughts, like today.  
He was sitting at the base of the staircase, alone. He looked so…lost. So I decided that I should cheer him up. Whatever his problem was, I wanted to help him. However, he seemed to be annoyed at my attempts of lightening the atmosphere, but I was not going to give up. Just when I was ready to make him chase me, Jaehyun made his appearance. That was a good opportunity to involve him in out teasing, just how we were in high school. I hid behind him while continuing to piss off Inguk. But as soon as his eyes laid on Jaehyun, his whole expression changed. He was smiling again. The exact opposite happened when he looked back at me, his eyes promising me that I will regret for acting like a monkey, his words.  
Hmm, it seems like I can’t beat Jaehyun when it comes to friendship. That’s alright, though. Everyone feels more attached to a certain person. I just hope that he will open up in front of my fiancée, letting him take care of his worries. 

6 October 2012  
I haven’t been able to write here in a long time. Truth be told, I forgot about this diary’s existence because planning a wedding is harder than I thought. But we here we are, 4 days before the ceremony. I am so nervous; I can’t even sleep properly at night. Jaehyun is suffering with me, poor hubby. He wakes up everytime I turn around in in bed. And sometimes I make him stay awake and talk to me about how we imagined our wedding to be like.  
We have decided that it will be a modest one. We want a small place where important people in our life will gather around to celebrate with us. Everyone can relax and enjoy the company of each other.  
On the other hand…Inguk got even worse. At some point he stopped talking to me, and it hurts me, but I try to remain unaffected, showing him my happy-go-lucky self. There were days when I wondered if I did something that offended him, but nothing came up into my mind. I told my love about my worries, his only advice being that I should give him his personal space. I didn’t like the idea, but what else could I do?  
Jaehyun and Inguk behaved like nothing was wrong, only the atmosphere between Inguk and me was darkening every time we bumped into each other.  
I don’t want us turning into strangers. That thought terrifies me.  
Inguk, just talk to me!  
I miss you.

10 October 2012  
Today was our wedding! It was something magical. Of course, I was very nervous; I could feel my stomach churn because of the emotions that were tormenting me, but the joy of seeing my Jaehyun in the black tuxedo soothed my soul. I knew he was handsome, but today he hit a new level. And another amazing thing that happened today was that Inguk finally talked to me!  
I was climbing down the stairs, feeling wonderful in my modern wedding dress, when I saw my friend among the guests that we arriving. To my surprise, he told me that I was beautiful, lifting my spirit to the sky. My smile was hurting my cheeks, but I couldn’t stop, it made me so happy.  
We didn’t have time for a proper conversation, what a shame! I didn’t complain, though, because I was finally fulfilling my wishes of tying my soul to its half.  
I was so drunk in the moment, so lost in my husband’s eyes, nobody could ruin this, and nothing around me was important anymore. I pushed all the stress and worries of the past months behind as his lips touched mine. It was finally official! We were one.  
I took a lot of photos with everyone, Jaehyun sighing beside me as he was dragged in some of them. One day I will look back at them and I will relive this.  
When I was almost done, I realized that Inguk disappeared, and so did my husband, apparently. Long story short, after a long time, the three of us took a photo together, and I could not ask for more.  
A perfect day! I feel like everything will be back to normal.

15 October 2012  
Why did he do something like this to us? What did we do wrong? I don't understand him anymore! Weren't we close to each other? Didn't we promise each other that we will be one by the other's side? Why was this happening? Why did he decide to leave us?  
When I first saw him at the front door, with his luggage packed beside him, I thought it was a bad joke. I waited for him to say that, I almost laughed like an idiot. But the words "got you!" never came out from his parted lips.  
Why? Just why? Please, someone, just tell me why. I feel like searching for him, catch him and bring him home. Maybe I should have clung to him, stubbornly refusing to let him go.  
And why was Jaehyun so calm? He was our friend not just mine. I feel so dizzy, and my eyes sting. I feel alone, because they are brushing me aside. I know that they are close, they must have talked about this. Why would he just let Inguk go like this if this is not the case? I hate to say this, but I am sure that Jaehyun is hiding something to me. I am not a trustful person? This is why he can’t talk to me about this? He knows that I am worried. I’ve opened up to him, but all he did was to make me look like I am exaggerating. I am not, Jaehyun. Something doesn’t click, not even what you say makes any sense now.  
I feel useless. There is something disturbing my dear friend's peace of mind, but I can't reach to him. Maybe I should have been more stubborn, I should have been blunt an ask him what was wrong. Instead I just waited and waited but look to what it led. I am just a moron. I feel like today I lost a friend, no, a brother. And this could be my entire fault! Inguk, I am sorry. I should have been a better friend.  
7 November 2012  
I don't know how to feel. Confused, stunned, angry, betrayed? Yes, there is a bit of everything, but most of all I am sad. I just found out that Inguk is gay. He is gay for real, and he never told us! I had to discover it by accident when I was cleaning the house, and decided to enter in his room. There was this familiar photo, the photo he took with us. Ripped! I was not in it anymore. Two men standing next to each other, smiling at the camera, touching each other. It looked like they were a couple! And then it hit me. Inguk was in love with my husband. That's why! That's why he acted like that, that's why he hated me, that's why he acted like that for the past months...I can't believe, it all makes sense and I was a fool.  
I was here worrying myself to death because he seemed to hate me, but now I understand. He felt like I was a hindrance between him and his crush. This is not how you treat your friend! So what? Jaehyun was straight and he chose me. I don't intend on sharing him with anyone else because he is my husband. For how long has he been in love with him? I feel like I can't trust him because he should have said something. Not to me, to Jaehyun! He should have been honest, not playing with us like this. I hate him right now!  
I should go tell my husband about my new discovery, but is it really a good idea...? 

21 May 2012  
What a dreadful day. I am exhausted…  
I could have never imagined that I would see him again, at least I did not plan to.  
Today I met Inguk again after half an year. I received a drunk call from him, telling me that he wants me to come to him because he has something to tell me. I didn't what to go at first, but I wanted some answers, I have wanted them for a long time.  
And there he was, sitting at a table with empty bottles of alcohol laying in front of him. At the sight of him all the anger that left me bitter vanished, replaced by pity. I could not recognize the man standing in front of me. He looked so weak, his eyes looked dead to me.  
I hesitate, not knowing what to do. A part of me wanted to yell at him, but the other one wanted to help him. I didn't have time to dwell in my thoughts too much as he told me to take a seat. So I did. I couldn't speak, hell, I couldn't even look at him. The atmosphere between us was even worse than it was before the wedding. I couldn't stand it, I wanted to make it disappear, but my mind was blank. Thankfully, Inguk was the one breaking the silence. He started telling me how my forehead was getting bigger. Heh, the bully side was coming to surface again. That made me smile. And he didn't stop there. He started teasing me about how I will go bald in a few years. His small jokes relaxed me, and I forgot that I went there for answers. Instead I just played along, I wanted to chat with my friend about silly things.  
We had a good time until he asked me why I was not drinking. The question made me nauseous. Maybe I should have shut up, or maybe I did the right thing. i knew that he would be destroyed by my next words...but I couldn't stop myself, so I mumbled "I am pregnant. I can't drink".  
I felt so small in that chair while he was staring at me with his mouth slightly opened, his eyes looking through me. Why should I be ashamed? It was not like I did something wrong. I knew, however, how hard these words stung Inguk's heart.  
And his reaction startled me. He threw his head back and started laughing. This time I was the one staring at him with my mouth opened. I didn't expect this. After a few minutes he smiled at me and said "congratulation". He could not hide it from me. I saw how sad and disappointed he was.  
No one said anything else. We didn't look at each other anymore.  
And then he suddenly got up, telling me that he was too drunk and asked me to drive him home. I accepted, how could I not?  
That's when he told me he was gay, told me about his crush on my husband, how much he envied me, and how much he hated me and himself. My heart hurt, and I didn't dare to look at him. I knew he was crying, I felt like tears were threatening me too. I had to control myself, though. And the quiet sobs that came shortly from my right side proved me right. He was hurting so much, suffering all alone with his demons. And that's when I realized how selfish I was while he was gone. I was so possessive after he left that I forgot to see just how hard it was for him. He didn't try breaking us up, even though it was not so hard. He stood in the shadow all this time and watched us. I felt terrible. How could I help him. I wanted to hold his hand, but I was a coward. I was afraid that he would reject me, so I let silence surrender us until he calmed down.  
It is blurry what happened next, it is like I was on autopilot.  
I feel so empty. 

28 May 2012  
Inguk decided to move abroad. He wanted a new start, a new life. He said this city was suffocating him, and who could blame him? There were too many bad memories chaining him up in this place. He should be happy, he deserves it.  
My only wish was to say my final goodbye to him. He didn't accept at first, but he knew that I would not give up so easily.  
At the airport, I could see him searching with his eyes something behind me, or rather someone. He was like an open book. I lied that my husband had an emergency and couldn't make it, but he flicked my forehead, telling me that I was a horrible liar. I mirrored his smirk. He got me, but he seemed to be in a good mood.  
And he hugged me. We hugged like we did not in all these years we have known each other. It was like we were afraid of letting each other slip from our embrace, the cruel reality waiting for us to break our shelter formed by our wrapped arms around each other. But we had to let go, it was his wish, I will respect it.  
I felt like a part of me left with him. I knew I would never see him again, and I hated it. I wanted him to always be my knight in shining armor, and I wanted to continue our silly games. However, it wss impossible. I wanted to go back in time, I wanted to change so many things.  
I hope that God will help him in his search for happiness, and that his path will be clear from now on because he stayed too much in the dark.  
My dear friend, you were like a brother to me and, in the past, I would have slapped anyone who dared to say that we will be apart from each other. But it seems like anything is possible, and it scares me. Maybe there will come a time when Jaehyun will leave me too. I would be all by myself, loneliness consuming my whole existence.  
My soul hurts and is already longing after you and everything that makes you yourself. Whatever may happen in the future, you will always remain close to my heart, and if ever you need help, please know that I will be here to support you, at no matter what cost.  
I will stop writing in this diary from now on because it contains all the memories you want to leave behind. I will help you, I will lock it somewhere where no one could reach it, except me and you. You told me to forget that all of these happened. But how could I? I promise, however, that I will pretend to.  
Goodbye, Inguk.


End file.
